Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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