i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
