dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
