He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
