A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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