drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
