He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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