also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
