Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
