We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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