girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize