Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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