I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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