Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
420 ftw
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
