I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
