my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
