Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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