He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize