Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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