He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
