me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
