I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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