We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had sex on a roof
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
