We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
