Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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