Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
