if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
