I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
