can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
