These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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