You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
