Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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