hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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