chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
