Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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