Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
