its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
