There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
