Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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