ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
