better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
