Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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