i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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