I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
