I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
