she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
