based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize