whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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