I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
