The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
