garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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