so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
