You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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