Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
