there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
