I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
