it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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