...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
These tits shall not be calmed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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