Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
