Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
