I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize