batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
