I hate your face
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
