Don't you send me to vm
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
