So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
