My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
