I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
