Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
